Anthony turns three years old tomorrow. He's been talking up a storm for quite some time, but he's behind other kids his age. It's not something we're concerned about because, if he's got, say, 70% of the language skills as his peers, he's really got 140% of the skills (70% English + 70% Japanese). I know of other kids who have three or four languages — a kid's brain is just amazing.

I've also heard many stories of kids raised in two-language households where the kid eventually refuses to speak one of the languages (usually the father's). This can create huge issues if said Father can't speak the other language, and I know of an extreme case where such a dad lost completely the ability to converse with his son. This extreme case involved a man who was as bad a husband as he was a father, but highlights how bad things can become. Like being a good spouse and a good parent, mutilingualness needs constant attention.

(Actually, things can become even worse. I know of a guy who was raised in Canada by Japanese parents, and in the end neither his English nor Japanese are really native-level fluent. 50 years later, still living in Canada, he still speaks in what would be called “broken English”.)

Our situation

I got mail from a friend today asking how we're approaching Anthony's bilingual development. It's something Fumie and I have certainly thought a lot about, but like everything else with raising a kid, well, there's no manual.

Here's our situation: I'm a native English speaker, and my Japanese is “okay” for daily life, but I'm by no means self-sufficient in Japanese. Fumie is a native Japanese speaker, and her English is very good. Since her English is better than my Japanese, our daily communication tends to be mostly in English, although Japanese tends to get mixed in throughout the day.

We lived in America until Anthony was 1.5 years old, and as such we both tended to use Japanese with him, since we knew he'd get English everywhere else. His first words and sentences were all Japanese. We'd moved to Japan by the time that had happened, but I'd forgotten to switch to English. His blossoming speech all being Japanese got me to switch to using English with him mostly.

We then spent three months of the summer (while he was about 2.5 years old) in America, so by the time that was done, he'd lost almost all his Japanese and his English was progressing well. Now, several months in Japan later, his Japanese seems to be about on par with his English, which has only gotten better.

Our approach

Anthony lives in Japan, spends three days a week at (an all-Japanese) playcare, and will go to Japanese schools. We could send him to an international school (education in English, on a U.S. calendar and with a U.S. curriculum), but then he'd forever be a foreigner in his own country. So, we'll send him to Japanese schools, and as such, I have no worry that his Japanese will be anything other than absolutely native. Therefore, it's his English that we'll need to work on if we want him to be bilingual.

I realize that if I don't keep his English progressing at a native level as he gets older, I'll lose the ability to have native-fluent interaction with him. (The other option, of course, is that I raise my Japanese to a native-level fluency, but with my brain that's never going to happen.)

One way to help his English would be for Fumie to use English with him, but frankly, I discourage that. It's more important for her to have a native-level relationship with him than it is for him to be bilingual, especially at this tender age. Still, for some things it seems easier to use English, so she tends to mix languages, as I do (but I do it to a lesser extent).

These days, the bulk of my conversations with Anthony are in English. If he uses Japanese to me, I generally repeat it in Japanese and then English and then Japanese again. That seems sufficient for him to learn both. It's just amazing. (By the way, he has no clue what “English” and “Japanese” are; we talk in terms of “Daddy words” and “Mommy words”, as alluded to in a previous post about his language development.)

Surprisingly, he's already pretty good at understanding what language to use in what situation. I'd heard not to expect such an understanding for many years, but he seems to instinctively know what language someone will understand. For example, the other day I was speaking to someone in Japanese, and then as we left told Anthony in English “Say 'thank you' to the lady”, and he did so, but in Japanese: “arigatou”.

Over the years here in Japan, his Japanese will grow naturally. I'll continue to use normal English with him, and along with month-long trips to America in the summer, I expect his English to be just fine. Time will tell if this simple approach is really sufficient.

My friend's situation

The friend who sent the email asking about all this is a German guy who lives in Germany, with a Korean wife and two girls, 1.5 and 4 years old. (Alone in the house with three girls, God bless him ) They originally met at work in Korea, and communicated in English. Now, Mom can communicate in German.

Dad works outside the house, and so the two kids spend all day with Mom, speaking Korean. The kids' use of Korean is simple enough now that Dad can understand, and the kids seem to use both languages. But this is about the limit of Dad's Korean, and he's afraid that when they surpass him, as they soon will, he'll be missing a lot.

Of course, that will certainly happen to him as far as Korean is concerned. Unless Mom and Dad are truly gifted linguistically, at their age and with the pressures of an adult's daily life, there is little chance that they will be able to acheive native-level fluency in the other's language. Thus, the only hope that they can both have native-level relationships with their kids is for the kids to have native-level skills in both languages. This is similar to my situation.

The big difference between our situations is that for him, the two strongest language influences (Mom's language, and the language of the school) are different. I think this makes his situation much easier.

So, here's my gut feeling about it: the kids live in Germany and will presumably go through the German school system, so there seems to be little worry that they'll eventually be native-level fluent in German. The worry I would have for the long term would be for their Korean. However, in the short term (until they get into the school system), they're spending most of their day in Korean, so I'd worry about their German.

My gut-reaction recommendation is to get them into a German daycare / preschool for two or three days a week. Besides giving Mom a needed rest, it'll help ensure that they get a lot of German during these early years. They'll still spend most of their time with Mom in Korean, so their Korean should not suffer. A kid's brain just soaks it up without giving it a second thought (so to speak).

I'd also recommend that Mom uses mostly Korean and Dad uses mostly German, since those are the languages closest to their heart, and that's how you should communicate with your own kids. I wouldn't force things too much, but would generally stick to the appropriate language. As it is now with Anthony, I generally reply in English even if he happens to say something to me in Japanese. (He doesn't know everything equally well in both languages, so he often simply doesn't know how to say something in English until I teach him.)

Once the kids start going to school, their Korean will need special support. Occasional trips back to see the grandparents in Korea would be wonderful, especially the longer they can be (it might take two weeks just to get settled in, linguistically). And if they had Korean-language playdates from time to time, that would be good, too.

As I said, there's no manual

For all I know, my advice to my friend is as woefully misguided as the path Fumie and I are taking ourselves. If you've got experience with this, I'd love to hear about it....

Continued here...