{"id":2437,"date":"2014-07-10T12:25:39","date_gmt":"2014-07-10T03:25:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/2014-07-10\/2437"},"modified":"2014-07-10T12:25:39","modified_gmt":"2014-07-10T03:25:39","slug":"invicta-watches-lowering-the-average-i-q-of-humanity-one-watch-at-a-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/2014-07-10\/2437","title":{"rendered":"Invicta Watches: Lowering the Average I.Q. of Humanity One Watch at a Time"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n
<\/a>\nHuh?<\/span><\/div>\n\n

Poking around on Amazon.com, I got sidetracked browsing some truly\nhorrid-looking watches, and came across the most meaningless marketing fluff\nI've ever seen, for any product, anywhere.<\/p>\n\n

The “<\/span>product\ndescription<\/a>”<\/span> has four beefy sentences barely able to contain all 576\nwords, yet not weighted down by even the slightest actual fact or hint of\nuseful information:<\/p>\n\n

\n

Product Description<\/b><\/p>\n

Covert operations are revealed as Invicta's stealth Coalition Forces Collection steps into the fore.<\/p>\n

Conditioned to handle the most sophisticated of endeavors, the Coalition Forces are at the ready, available for the day-to-day maneuvers to come.<\/p>\n

Strategically prepared for all operatives, this technically deft collection is crafted with Swiss movements and emboldened with the attributes of true leadership.<\/p>\n

Invicta's Coalition Forces Collection reaches the front line with the command, range and tactics for decisive action, turning time into a multi<\/span>-faceted vision quest.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n

A vision quest indeed. Not knowing ahead of time what this was “<\/span>describing”<\/span>, I think<\/span> many would be hard pressed to realize it's\nsupposed to be about a watch.<\/span> “<\/span>Swiss movements”<\/span> is\nperhaps a good<\/span> hint, but it could just as easily\nget lost in the context of their testosterone-driven direct-to-cable\nmilitary theme.<\/p>\n\n

If you did realize it's about a watch,<\/span> you'd\nbe forgiven if you thought “<\/span>Swiss\nmovements”<\/span> was a\nrelevant<\/span> fact that had somehow slipped in, but no, it's a quartz<\/span> (battery\/electronic) watch.<\/p>\n\n

I guess this all follows the old saying: “<\/span>If you can't say something nice, make up a bunch<\/span> of irrelevant, meaningless crap.”<\/span> Or something like that. It's\nso much<\/span> worse than the Nikon D4 Marketing Fluff<\/a>\nI wrote<\/span> about a couple<\/span>\nof years ago.<\/p>\n\n

Anyway, I have such “<\/span>compensation issues”<\/span> that I would<\/span> have bought one just to associate myself with its virile product description, but alas,\nit's not eligible for Amazon Prime, and I don't<\/span> buy things that aren't eligible for Amazon Prime.<\/p>\n\n

(In seriousness, who on earth writes this kind of crap, and more importantly, who on earth is actually swayed by it?)<\/p>\n\n

I still don't know what the “<\/span>(No Straps)”<\/span> in the product title refers to. Maybe it's a typo<\/span> for “<\/span>(No Facts)”<\/span>?<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Poking around on Amazon.com, I got sidetracked browsing some truly horrid-looking watches, and came across the most meaningless marketing fluff I've ever seen, for any product, anywhere.<\/p>

The \"product description\" has four beefy sentences barely able to contain all 576 words, yet not weighted down by even the slightest actual fact or hint of useful information:<\/p>

A vision quest indeed. Not knowing ahead of time what this was \"describing\", I think many would be hard pressed to realize it's supposed to be about a watch. \"Swiss movements\" is perhaps a good hint, but it could just as easily get lost [...]","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2437"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2437"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2437\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2437"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2437"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regex.info\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2437"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}